Cold Sweat by

 Cold Sweat by Vera Valentine

My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

Spice Rating: 🌶🌶🌶🌶

(Unhinged)

Synopsis: 

Fleeing college pressure, Jules heads home to rest, recharge, and figure out a plan before fall break ends. Eager to spend time with her mother and stepfather, there's one presence she's less thrilled about Red.

The sentient, smirking pitcher of Cherry Chill-Assist Punch was a huge pain in the glass. He'd been getting under her skin for two years now, ever since their parents' wedding day. Red's taste in entertainment and weirdly suggestive commentary were driving her crazy, a destination she was capable of finding all on her own.

With big life decisions looming, his antics shake up Jules' already-fragile peace, steering her towards a leisurely evening in her mom's new sauna. It seems like the perfect remedy for stress...until Red invites himself along. Close, steamy confines have a way of outing secrets, and Red has a huge one he can't keep on ice any longer.

Will Jules be able to resist her thirst for the unknown, or will the truth about her stepbrother refresh her perspective entirely?


***
Cold Sweat is a PARODY MF sentient object romance novella between a human woman and a large, glass pitcher of Cherry Chill-Assist drink mix. No, that's not a metaphor. It's made of glass. Yes, I am referring to exactly what you think I am. Yes, this was written by the same woman who wrote the door one. And the balloons. And the boat.

At this point, you know what you're getting into, friends.

Full content considerations will be in the book, and readers are always welcome to reach out to the author directly with any questions or concerns. I appreciate your company and support on this wild, weird authoring journey!

My Review: 

Cold Sweat was an experience, truly unlike anything I’ve ever read or listened to in my entire life. I went in thinking I understood “taboo romance.” I thought I had seen things. I thought I had read things. But nothing prepared me for this fever dream of a story.

I listened to the audiobook, which immediately threw me off-balance because the narrator is the same voice actor from Quicksilver by Callie Hart. So imagine my confusion when a voice I associate with morally-gray, brooding men suddenly starts voicing… a pitcher of Kool-Aid. A literal pitcher. With feelings. With desires. With opinions. I didn’t know whether to laugh, gasp, or just sit in my car reevaluating my life choices.

There were moments when Red genuinely sounded like a regular man, just a guy navigating complicated family dynamics and forbidden longing. And then suddenly the book would hit me with something like, “The ice clicked on the rim of his glass pitcher,” and I would absolutely spiral. How do you emotionally process a line like that? You don’t. You simply ascend.

And this story isn’t just taboo because the love interest is, again, a Kool-Aid pitcher. No, no. The author said, “Let’s go further.” He’s also her stepbrother. I swear I am not making this up. If I were, I promise I’d come up with something more believable.

But here’s the wildest part: it wasn’t… bad? Against all odds, I wasn’t miserable. I wasn’t cringing the whole way through. I was mostly baffled, but also weirdly entertained. I kept listening because I had no idea what could possibly happen next, and the book never once disappointed in the chaos department.

And if you’re curious, because I know someone is, yes, Red is cherry-flavored. And yes, the book absolutely goes there with his fluids. I’ll let your imagination take it the rest of the way, because mine is still recovering.

If you’re in the mood for something short and so bizarre it circles back to being compelling, Cold Sweat might be the strangest little adventure you never knew you needed.

(My two moods while reading this!)